It’s weird enough watching someone claim kids are going to school one morning and being returned to their unsuspecting parents two days later having had sexual reassignment surgery. Weirder still to know that this is either believed by a good few million voters or dismissed as irrelevant because he’s their guy.
But hey, we should be used to it, two election cycles in, right? After all, in 2016 as you can read below, we got a really wacky theory that surely was true, right? As Alex Jones told us, you’d not put anything beyond that devil incarnate Beyonce Giselle Knowles. And if Alex is saying it, you know it must ….
Some of us looked under the bonnet of this conspiracy, and all the best people weighed in. All the best people and Iggy Azalea. It was quite a ride. One that has so many similarities with this presidential election you could be fooled into thinking eight years ain’t nothing but a dream.
You want it right? Polish your tinfoil, switch on Megyn Kelly, and let’s go!
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THOSE HIPS DON’T LIE, they spy?
Beyonce Knowles may have made one of the records of the year in her “visual album”, Lemonade, earning high praise from critics worldwide. But not everyone is on board. In fact some people have gone completely overboard.
It’s not just those who aren’t sure about the rock sounds or the country song or even the weird bit where Jay Z strokes her foot. It’s not even the “why do you have to be so black” bleatings of the offended and scared Piers Morgan who said that “the new Beyonce wants to be seen as a black woman political activist first and foremost, entertainer and musician second”, which presumably is a very very bad thing.
Now the critics extend into the wacky world of the conspiracy theorists.
According to that bastion of clear thinking and rationality, the American radio host Alex Jones, Beyonce is an agent of the CIA. Or at the very least in cahoots with them. To what end? To destroy the God-given right of good people (that is, middle aged, white, American, Christian, men who are being oppressed and hounded from this earth they built with their own hands) to control the levers of power.
Jones, a believer in an alien force bent on destroying earth who is also a Donald Trump supporter (possibly not a coincidence) posted to Facebook what he called “an over the top, important report” which blows away the thin veneer of respectability covering up Lemonade.
This isn’t music, this is “domestic propaganda”, and Jones – like our own radio blowhard of that name – isn’t afraid to speak truth to (the real, possibly alien, definitely coloured) power.
"The government at the top is funding a rebellion at the bottom to cause a civil war and they admit that’s part of the plan," says Jones, citing the way Beyonce uses a baseball bat to smash some cars in the film. Or as he puts it “blowing stuff up, beating everything up, smashing vehicles”.
And not just anyone’s vehicles. “It’s all about men.” Of course.
“First it’s hate the cops in her last video, now it’s her ultimate feminist video being hailed she just hates men and runs around with a crazed look on her face attacking everything,” says Jones.
And how would Super Agent Beyonce begin achieving the Illuminati’s – hey, they don’t call them popSTARS for nothing – aims? The Lemonade film “is just to get people to act like total morons so that they can then be basically arrested, set up, put in jail”.
Once that happens the real takeover can happen, the anti-gun, anti-family, anti-male agenda.
“This is to get us all at each other’s throats, when we’re all Americans getting screwed over by the NSA, and the foreign banks and derivatives,” warns Jones. ”We’re all getting our kids attacked and aborted, and shot up with vaccines and GMOs. We’re all in this together.”
After that, criticism from the likes of the never knowingly reticent Azealia Banks seem positively upbeat for an album which seems to have Beyonce as focused on the lives of black women and black mothers, as on the album’s narrative of a complex and fracturing relationship.
Banks, whose six-year career has so far produced one album but megabytes of feuds, accusations, and general gossip, described Lemonade as “the antithesis of feminism”, apparently taking the story within the album’s lyrics as based on Beyonce’s life.
“You been singing about this nigger for years and he still playing you. That's not strength that's stupidity,” Banks said on Twitter. “And it's not what the national black women's conversation needs right now. More pain more suffering in the face of a man. You keep crying over a man and perpetuating that sad black female sufferance and it's not good for what we're trying to accomplish here.”
Perhaps more amusingly, even if there’s no mention of aliens or the CIA, Australian rapper Iggy Azalea has made a strong request to “don’t call me Becky” in the wake of Lemonade.
The line Beyonce drops on the man in Lemonade that he “better call Becky with the good hair”, has inspired searches for “Becky”, which some have interpreted as any of several women rumoured to have had rather intimate knowledge of Beyonce’s husband Jay Z. Some of those women have had to issue denials while Azalea, who is not one of those gossiped about, issued a demand.
“Don’t ever call me a Becky,” the Australian tweeted to one fan who had called her by that name. In some quarters, a Becky is a generic term for a white woman with straight hair and Azalea was having none of that. Though she stressed she had no issues with Beyonce or Lemonade in a tweet she subsequently deleted.
"This is not bey shade. I love her and the album. but my name is Iggy, and you will all call me that," she wrote. "I don't care, don't call all Asian women "Ming Lee" don't call white women "Becky" don't call black women "Sha Nay Nay".
Of course, as Alex Jones well knows, this is all part of the CIA’s cunning plan to divide and conquer. It may look like an album by one of the world’s biggest pop stars, but now we know the truth is out there. Right out there.
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